WELCOME SPRING!

Before I moved to Nebraska, Autumn was my favorite season. I still love the fall – cinnamon, pumpkin bread, the changing leaves, the cooler weather. But in a place with 4 distinct seasons, Spring is by far my favorite.
After a frozen winter, when everything is hard and dead and brown – bare trees, frozen ground, nothing growing or green…. When the first shoots of green start to grow, and then bloom… I LOVE IT. Spring is such a reminder of new life, that even when all you can see is death and barrenness, there is life below, waiting for its season.
And after being cooped up inside, bundled up, and confined, it is downright delightful to be outside again. Winter has definitely stayed past its welcome (we actually had flurries of snow in the air yesterday – I just pretended like I didn’t see them and moved on with my life). But we have had glimpses of outside-friendly weather, we’ve broken out the shorts and short sleeves, and we are READY.
Our street is lined with pear trees that are among the first things to bloom each Spring – it is heavenly.
  
When the blossoms start to fall off, they cover everything…the boys think it looks like snow. That is MY KIND OF SNOW. :)
We’ve been outside at every opportunity – over winter, I always forget how much I’m able to get done when the kids can play outside. Fun for everyone. :)
I don’t know what put the idea in his head, but Tobin has been asking to fly kites. We were out in the front yard last week just before dinner, and he found an old plastic kite in the garage. It is broken, and only had about 8 feet of string, but he LOVED it. He ran around pulling it behind him forever, and would have stayed out all night.


Flying Kites from Renee Meyer on Vimeo.

The following Sunday, our friend Cory (one of our college Worship drummers, and one of Tobin’s favorite people) came to church with a surprise for Tobin: He got him a kite. It’s the best one I’ve ever seen, made like a parachute, with no sticks to break, and from fabric rather than flimsy plastic. We took it to the park Sunday night after dinner and the boys (all 4 of them, counting the dog) had a BLAST.


After a while, Tobin was ready to go play at the park, so Luke took over.

 
A good time was had by all. Hope you are enjoying Spring, whether it’s the welcome end to actual winter, or just the short period of lovely weather before you live in the swirl of heat and humidity that is Texas summer!

My favorite weekend…

Last weekend I got the BEST gift: I was invited to come down and speak at an event at my Texas church. The focus of the event was on the truth that we all have a story – of which God is the main character, and which we are compelled to share. I got to share the stage with my dear friend Erin Cole, who has such a story of God’s faithfulness and care. After each of us shared our stories, then Erin and I co-lead a breakout called, “Your Story Must Be Told” with tips on processing and sharing your story. Another dear friend (and the only person who has shared in my life both in Texas and here in Nebraska – love having friends in common in both places!), Julie Raymond, gave a breakout on drawing out others’ stories. The whole evening was so well done – I wanted to pack up all the decorations and bring them home with me – those women know how to throw a PARTY.

It was especially fun for me to share my story in the place where it happened, and to an audience that included so many of my favorite people, friends who loved and prayed for me through all of my years in College Station. I was so hyped up on adrenaline and excitement I was practically buzzing. By the end of the evening Friday I was EXHAUSTED. My head ached and my whole body hurt. But it was a good hurt. :)

The entire weekend was like a gift from the Lord to ME, and I am so thankful  for every moment: getting to catch up with so many, for hugs and tears, for REAL conversations, for face-to-face, for laughter and tears (Susie and I went through half a box of kleenex Saturday night, so happy to talk for real and not on the phone!), for encouragement and plain old fun. AND I got to go to a baby shower for my sweet Heather, so fun to get to be there for something, since I’ve missed so many showers, babies, weddings, funerals, everything, since I’ve been in NE.

I didn’t take my camera, since I was pretty sure that several of my gals would have me covered in that area.  So pictures are coming (and they recorded our stories, so eventually that will be up where I can post a link). But so far my sweetie Lauren is the only one who’s posted her pics.

 

I started babysitting for the Paine kids when Lauren (far left) was 2 and Michael (between me & Lauren) was a wee baby. Katherine and Nathan weren’t even a twinkle in their parents’ eyes, as the saying goes. And once they came along, they were my babies (particularly Nathan, who was the closest thing I had to a boyfriend before Matt came along.) These giant, beautiful people ranged from little kids to just-reaching-teeny-bopper-hood when I got married and moved to NE 6 years ago. LOOK AT THEM.

It was soooo fun to get to spend time in real life with them. Wish I could have packed their whole family up and brought them back in my suitcase. :) LOVE THEM.

 

So the whole weekend was a gift… But the biggest gift of all came Sunday morning.

I’ve continued to be so thankful for the season of life God gave me in College Station. But this weekend was a great opportunity to step back and think about how much He has continued to bless me here in corn-land.

As I sat in church Sunday morning, so glad to be back in the place where I first understood the gospel, where I have so many precious memories, and in the room where I got married, I realized how thankful I am for my church, friends and life in Nebraska. I love what God did in me through the TX years, but I am equally thankful for what He’s doing in these Nebraska years. I wish there was better Tex-Mex here, but I am content, and that is a gift. :)

Lest you think the boys were suffering without me…

They had a soccer game Friday night (while it was 85 degrees in TX, but 30 in good old NE – I felt guilty for missing Luke’s first game, but with that weather, I likely wouldn’t have been there anyway!)… Went out for donuts, played video games, drank pop, watched basketball, had popcorn for dinner, and made the basement into a giant fort to sleep in Saturday. I’m pretty sure they didn’t eat a vegetable all weekend long, and I didn’t ask about baths because I didn’t want to know the answer. They were very happy when I got home, but I don’t think they missed me at all. :)

We are go for launch…

I can hardly believe my baby boy is about to be 4 (his birthday isn’t until next week, but I’ll be out of town next weekend, so we celebrated tonight.)

For almost a year now he’s been saying he wanted an astronaut party (for a while, it was an astronaut dinosaur party… He’s been saying for almost a year that he wanted to be an astronaut when he grows up – until about a month ago, when he decided he’d rather be a cowboy. But still an astronaut party…

Pretty cute astronaut, wouldn’t you say? I got the costume a couple of days after Halloween last year, for a steal, figuring he could either wear it for his space party, or for Halloween next year. But halfway through the party he had a big rip in the seat of his pants. Oh well… $3. You get what you pay for.

We are still in the years of family-only parties. Maybe next year we’ll branch out and do a friend party to (we only do one for Luke every other year, so we’ll probably follow that plan for T as well.) But our family is so fun and big, it still feels like a party.

    

My mom works at Johnson Space Center, and sent me a space playset to use to decorate the cupcakes, and between the 2 boys’ many astronaut toys (other gifts from nana over the years) we had quite a space spread.

For Tobin’s gift from us, I made him a “Fort Kit”. I had seen these for sale in a catalog, but the item got discontinued, and I forgot about it until I saw this post. What a great idea! Betsy picked up a couple of sheets at goodwill for me, and I bough a flashlight, a couple of ropes and a bunch of clothespins at the Dollar Store. I made a cute storage bag, and voila! Cutest present ever. And hopefully a deterrent to building forts out of every pillow and blanket in the house.

Luke broke it in for Tobin and got a fort going downstairs while Tobin finished opening his gifts.

So fun!

I also talked to my awesome friend Ashley, who crochets the cutest little stuffed animals. I was going to have her make an animal, but couldn’t decide which one to choose. She found out it was an astronaut party and said she’d try to figure out a rocket for him. So our second gift for him was this:

How cute is THAT? The curly “fire” at the bottom is my favorite part. Tobin kept making it “BLAST OFF!” all night long.  Check out Ashley’s Etsy Shop, such cute things! The penguin is pretty cute, and the bunny adorable. But our rocket is the cutest, I think :).

Tobin agrees:
 

 
Happy Birthday Tobin! You are a continual JOY…we praise God for 4 years with you.

Adoption, Ethics, and child trafficking

Kind of a depressing topic… But I’ve had several responses to my comments in our adoption timeline about my FREAKOUT about the ethics and issues surrounding international adoption. In all my reading and research about adoption, it wasn’t until we began the process that I was exposed to and began to seriously consider 1) the loss every adopted person has experienced 2) the major ethical concerns you need to be aware of as you approach international adoption. All I’d ever seen (and this could have been totally because of my own blindness) was a happy Christian perspective, “I rescued this child, they are thankful, we are happy forever.” I mean…praise GOD for adoption, it is a picture of our relationship with Him, and a beautiful thing. But there IS an ugly side.

Obviously, we’ve decided to move ahead – despite the issues, there are children who need loving families, and we believe God has called us to answer by bringing one of those children into our family. But we want to be aware of the depth of loss we’re bringing into our family, and prepared to walk with our 3rd child through those losses. And we want to be EXTRA careful as we proceed, making sure to the extent we’re able that we’re communicating and working in ethical ways.

Since I know several of you have asked the same questions about ethics, I thought I’d share a couple of things I’ve come across that have been VERY helpful for me (and just good for anyone to read who’s concerned about the orphan crisis.)

The first is a blog post on the Idea Camp blog. Idea Camp is happening this weekend in Arkansas, and focuses on brainstorming ideas for how the church in America can address the orphan crisis. I’ve been so encouraged to see that they’re including voices from all sides, not just “adopt a child, save a life, be happy forever!” And the focus is not only adopting children in need into western families, but also doing something to help the millions of children who are not adoptable, or who are starving despite having families. They are talking about doing something about what is CAUSING the orphan crisis.

If you’re interested at all in these issues, you should read A Dad… And an Advocate. It’s written by an adoptive father who is also president of an organization working to end trafficking. It’s a great summary of the issues I’ve been working through.

To read the whole thing, click on the link above. Here’s just a snippet:

I get concerned when I see an approach of “finding children for families” within the adoption world. This only increases “demand”, and demand fuels the trafficking and exploitation of children. Our approach instead, must be one of finding families for children. And this needs to include extended family or foster/adoptive families within the child’s own country. While I believe that most intercountry adoptions are ethical and not corrupted by child trafficking, the issues still exist and must be addressed.

I think often times we are much better at dealing with the consequences and results of these systemic issues than we are at preventing them. Building more safehomes is not the answer to ending child trafficking, just as adoption is not the solution to the growing number of children who are orphaned. These responses are compassionate, loving and effective acts made necessary by the above causes.

William Sloane Coffin Jr. said; “To show compassion for an individual without showing concern for the structures of society that make him an object of compassion is to be sentimental rather than loving.”

It’s been so helpful to me as I’ve wrestled through these issues to see that others are thinking and wrestling through these same things (and there were days when I thought I was going to have to give up the dream of being an adoptive family because of these issues – I just didn’t know if we could proceed in good conscience.)

I was so encouraged to see the following anonymous post on one of the Ugandan adoption groups I’ve joined. It’s basically a “how-to” guide for making sure you’re proceeding in an ethical manner.

It’s kind of long… But I’ve had so many people privately email or message me that they’re working through these same issues (or that, like me, these issues may keep them from considering international adoption), I thought I’d go ahead and share it here. The Idea Camp blog is good for anyone to read, just to be aware of this world that we live in. The following will probably be most helpful for others who are considering adoption…

I wanted to write a little bit about ethical adoptions in Uganda. I'm not prepared to put anything on my blog yet, so I thought I'd keep it here among "friends" only right now. I’ve been getting LOTS of emails lately talking about this. I’ve also been getting a ton of interest in adopting from Uganda. With everything going on in Ethiopia, we should be prepared for a new rush of interest in the UG program. Which is on one hand, good. Because there are a lot of children in Uganda that need families. But here's the problem. The majority of families are interested in adopting an infant. I can say that about 95% of the families I talk to are only interested in adopting babies. This scares me for the UG program. Because I’ve seen how quickly this can get out of control.

One of the reasons I was initially drawn to the Uganda program was that while we wanted to adopt a child under age 2, I didn't want to contribute to the unethical behavior, the "supply and demand" feeling I got from certain other countries. I knew that in Uganda there were babies actually sitting in orphanages, eligible to be adopted. From what I can tell, this isn't really the case now. There are now lines of families waiting and waiting to adopt infants from Uganda

Yes, there are infants in Uganda that need adoptive families. But there are far more families wanting to adopt them then there are ADOPTABLE* infants in Uganda.

I have continued to hear disturbing reports from Uganda of people in the slums "looking" for babies that can be adopted. Every-time I hear people tell me they are asking an attorney to "find them a baby" I get really really nervous. We should not be finding babies for families or asking others to do so! This is opposite of how this program should work!

Find families for children in need, not children for families that “want”. (I heard that somewhere, can’t remember where but it is true!) I understand wanting a baby quickly - I really, really do. But folks, this is going going to end up just like the other countries that have been shut down - Cambodia, Guatemala, Vietnam, etc. if we don't demand ethical adoptions with the priority on children waiting for families.

So, I'd thought I'd write up some of my ideas of how we can encourage ethical adoptions in Uganda. What do you tell families asking you? Any more suggestions?
1. Only adopt from a registered and approved baby home. Don't ask attorneys or people in Uganda to "find" you a baby. This will get out of hand very quickly (it's already started). If you are adopting from an unregistered home, why aren’t they registered? Make sure nothing illegal is going on. There have been people in UG offering Americans children from orphanages that don’t even exist. Be aware that scams happen.

2. Be prepared to wait for your baby. You don't want people in Uganda to feel pressured to produce a referral for you quickly, you want a child that truly needs a family to be matched with one. Sometimes this takes a while, especially if you're working with a registered and approved home. They often have waiting lists. After babies come into homes, once the investigations are done and everyone is SURE international adoption is the best thing for this child, they are cleared for adoption and they will be matched with the next eligible family. This can take time as you make your way to the top of the list.

3. Obtain an independent background investigation of your child's background. Hire someone else to do this, not associated with your attorney or the orphanage (some agencies already do this). The attorney and orphanage WANT this child to be adoptable, find someone who is not directly involved or profiting from this adoption. Better yet, go investigate the background yourself.

3. Talk to the PO (probation officer) or police officers that have dealt with this child's case. Talk to family members and guardians. Do they understand what adoption means? Make sure there is no confusion, find a good translator to make sure they understand. Was an advertisement put in the paper asking relatives to come forward? Did it run for long enough and was in the area the child is from? Is there a Ugandan family willing to adopt this child

4. Ask relatives/guardians why they want the child to be adopted. Is it simply because they are poor? If so, if a sponsor was found for their family would they want to keep the child? Try to keep the family together if at all possible.

5. Consider branching out of your originally requested age range/request. Can you consider a child slightly older? With medical needs? There are so many beautiful children just sitting in orphanages waiting for families.

If you’re with an agency I’d ask the following questions:
1. What is your focus - do you only place infants or do you place waiting children too
2. What orphanages do you work with? How are children referred to your agency
3. Who does the child’s background investigation? Who explains adoption to any relatives or guardians?
4. Are families relinquishing their children given any other options for keeping their family together?
5. What does your agency do to encourage family preservation?
6. What humanitarian aid do you offer in Uganda?
7. Do you have someone traveling to Uganda regularly to check on things
8. Are you Hague approved? If not, was it denied?
9. What attorney do you use in Uganda (research them too even if you’re using an agency!)?
10. Why is your wait for a referral so much shorter than other agencies (if this is the case).

Any other suggestions for ensuring ethical adoptions in this beautiful country? I’d love to hear them!

*Not every baby in a babies home can or should be adopted by foreign families. Many have families who will come for them some day. Some can be adopted in Uganda. Some have relatives who don't want them but won't release them for adoption (which makes me so sad).

If you’ve read this far, thanks :). And I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’ve asked similar questions.

Because we just didn’t have enough noise in our house…

I saw this tutorial for home made kazoos and thought it was such a great easy kid craft. Tobin loves to play with toilet paper rolls as it is (he calls them “do-da-doos”). So we saved some toilet paper rolls (which took a while since Matt kept finding the ones I was saving and throwing them away, not knowing they were saved on purpose!) We did this a couple of weeks ago, the week Luke was home sick for most of the week (he had a viral eye thing going on … which  lasted until we got antibacterial drops, so maybe it wasn’t viral after all? He missed school 3 1/2 days.)

Luke decorated his with a piece of ART, while the little ones and I decorated with crayons and stickers, so we finished a LONG time before he did. So meticulous, when he wants to be!

Tobin’s, mine, and Sarah’s:

Messy…but easy to clean up.

5 seconds after we finished, while Luke was still drawing his masterpiece, I turned to him and said, “Noisemakers? What was I thinking??” :)

30 minutes later, he was finally finished. :)

Our first fundraiser…

I mentioned in the adoption timeline post that this past Sunday we had our first adoption fundraiser – a concert and dessert with some friends of ours who are also hoping to adopt from Uganda.

We are so thankful for the businesses that donated dessert and for Bryan Oleson, the lead singer of Vota, who did an acoustic concert set for us. And for the many friends who served and especially those who gave, getting us started toward adoption. With ticket sales, my etsy sales that night, and donations, we raised our home study costs, which is the first (of many!) large expense in front of us. Praise the Lord for providing, and for sweet friends!

We’re thankful to get started with our fundraising, but it was also a really fun evening. So laid-back, the kids danced and ran around (and ate cupcakes), and (my kid at least) tried to get the microphone away from our guest performer.

My helpers (some of them, at least!)

 

At the end of Bryan & Justin’s set, we were supposed to come back up front to talk again, but I was in a great conversation, and didn’t even realized they’d finished until I heard Tobin’s voice over the sound system. As soon as Bryan left his stool, Tobin hopped up there & started singing his heart out. Short stuff thinks he’s big stuff. :)

Our first fundraiser…

I mentioned in the adoption timeline post that this past Sunday we had our first adoption fundraiser – a concert and dessert with some friends of ours who are also hoping to adopt from Ug*nda.
We are so thankful for the businesses that donated dessert and for Bryan Oleson, the lead singer of Vota, who did an acoustic concert set for us. And for the many friends who served and especially those who gave, getting us started toward adoption. With ticket sales, my etsy sales that night, and donations, we raised our home study costs, which is the first (of many!) large expense in front of us. Praise the Lord for providing, and for sweet friends!
We’re thankful to get started with our fundraising, but it was also a really fun evening. So laid-back, the kids danced and ran around (and ate cupcakes), and (my kid at least) tried to get the microphone away from our guest performer.

My helpers (some of them, at least!)
 
At the end of Bryan & Justin’s set, we were supposed to come back up front to talk again, but I was in a great conversation, and didn’t even realized they’d finished until I heard Tobin’s voice over the sound system. As soon as Bryan left his stool, Tobin hopped up there & started singing his heart out. Short stuff thinks he’s big stuff. :)